I still miss you.

Another long year has passed, and as I sit and wait for the anniversary of your passing i realize that I still miss you as much today as I did the day I kissed your warm gentle forehead for the last time. This past year has been amazing. I finally got the horse of my dreams. I wrap my arms around his big solid neck and think how very much you would have loved him. Having him has made the pain of loosing you so much more bearable, but it has not made me miss you any less. It hasn't made the hurt when i think of you any less painful.



He has your playful spirit. He and Sparrow will play with me, together, and it reminds me so much of you. He has Trooper's gentle loving nature, your playful spirit, Penny's rubber lips and talkativeness and a special little spark all his own. He is like the best of each of you who I have loved so much rolled into the most amazing hairy little package.



But there is still a raw open wound there in my heart, the place where you used to be. In some ways this year seems worse. Maybe it is because the weather reminds me of that year, or maybe it is because of having the barn full of horses when for so many years it was just you out there. Or maybe it is this recent talk of possibly moving away some years in the future when Tiff is grown, and the thought of leaving your grave behind.



But even though it still hurts, even though I still can't look at a single picture of you without shedding a tear... I would not trade a single moment of the time I had you in my life to make the hurt go away. You have been worth every single tear. I love you as much now as i did the first day i saw you, and then some.



I still remember that day, standing in the aisle at Red House Farm, tacking up George for Mr. Packard (I called him Bruiser, that huge Irish Draft who I'd first met at Win-A-Gin farm). I remember hearing the clip-clop of hooves and turning around to see... you and your mom, who I later named Lilly, sticking your little red noses in through the barn door curiously. manes and tails full of witch braids and burrs, her a rack of bones and you.... you so fat you had huge dimples on your butt. As I caught you both by your ratty old too-big nylon halters and walked you back to the neighbors you had escaped from you wiggled your lip back and forth against my hand and when I stopped to push the downed wire out of my way you leaned your forehead against my side and sighed. It was a whole year before i was able to lead you home and call you mine, and another three months before Lilly was able to join us, but on that day I made it my mission to get you out of that hell hole you were stuck in and bring you home to me, where you belonged.



As much as I miss you, my world is better place because you were in it.

It's a good news/bad news kinda day....

Good news: so far we have "harvested" two deer from our property... bad news: they were both shot by my father in law, not Tsu or I. (Thankfully he shares, yay! So it is kind of good news/good news, really.)

Good news: Next spring I will have running water in my horse barn instead of having to run a hose from the big barn. Bad news: the reason I will have this next spring is because the water line running to the big barn burst under the driveway, turning our driveway into a muck pit... and now I have to find a way to keep water in the tank all winter without having a faucet in either barn. And it is just a tad late in the year to be trying to dig a huge trench and run water lines right now.

Good news: Our core group of friends is intact and getting along great. Bad news: it took a week of explosions and drama to get it back to a good place after a complete melt down.

I just finished two days of jerky making with meat from the first deer. YUM! It's nice knowing we have at least some meat for winter.

Tiff is with us this holiday, she was up half the night and is now sleeping in. I've been trying to call my dad for three days. For some reason calls between our area and his refuse to connect properly. We had talked about getting together on friday but if I can't call them I have to wait for them to call me or call from someone else's house. This is 2009, it seems silly to be having this kind of trouble in this day and age!!

I got a funny picture of brego the other day. He was running around and i was trying to get pictures and he came running around the barn not knowing I was there so as he was running he tried to scramble backward and keep from bowling me over. he was actually not even close to running in to me but HE thought he was...



His mustache is getting really long!



Mary and Sparrow are getting fluffy winter jammies, but no where near as fluffy as they were at this point last year. Mary's short little legs make me grin.




Brego is soooo enjoying all this mud. I clean him up, he rolls in the muck and looks terribly proud of himself for it.



Man, this silly horse just takes my breath away. Even mud covered. Check out that goat beard he has going on, wowsa!!



and a bonus pic unrelated to the previous ones: Nigel, snoozing in his usual spot along my leg, while I mess around on my computer. I love my dog. He helps keep my feet warm, lol.:




Brego has been posting "Notes" on his FaceBook. I may start posting them here as well.

Have a good holiday, everyone!

I have not forgotten you.

Really, I haven't. I've just been in a bit of a brain fog. Attempting to fill the freezer for the winter, hooked on FaceBook games, and can't seem to get enough sleep.

If you are on facebook feel free to friend me if you wish. Brego and I both have our own accounts, hehe.

Look for Brego and Lorna Violet....

I promise once deer season is over to check in more often. The horses are enjoying their short vacation.