*sigh*

Someone, please, remind me to never give up hope.

Yesterday they had a huge conference call "meeting" for my husband's company. The big news? All lower level employees will be required to take a pay cut until June. Of course the guys in the top 10% of the pay scale for the company aren't giving up a thing.

*insert string of foul language*

I was going to rant about the details but they don't matter. It's the same crap that is going on everywhere. The point is that my dream horse was within reach and now with this? How can I justify spending the money even if I can get it together, when we just lost part of our income and things are tight to begin with?

*sobs*

Tsu keeps telling me not to give up hope. He says we can still make it work, part of why they are doing this is to fund the bonuses this spring so this should be a good sign, even if it screws us over for the next 5 months.

So I'm not giving up, but at this point it will take a miracle. The good thing is that I believe in miracles... and if I can't get my dream horse I can still get a great local horse for next to nothing to keep me happy until I CAN get my dream horse.

The problem is that I am already emotionally invested in the horse I WANT. His seller is bending over backwards to help me get him, even offering to deliver him for next to nothing.

*whine*

I'm going to go ahead and start listing Sparrow for sale as soon as I get a current measurement on him. I wanted to wait until he had more rides on him but if I can sell him now it will help. Same with the property up north, though I doubt that will sell for what I am going to ask for it.

THIS is why I try not to get too excited when things look like they are going good... if I expect it to turn out crappy I feel a lot less devastated when things go wrong. I let my self get excited and now I feel awful.

I'll snap out of it pretty quick, I am sure. And things are not hopeless. But right now I think I need to wallow in my misery for a minute or two.