I almost disgust myself sometimes.

I have never been one of those silly "hearts and flowers" romantic types. I don't believe in soul mates or magical moments or perfection or "once in a lifetime" things. I'm just too darn practical for that crap. When I watched Titanic and saw Jack slowly sink into the ocean I cried... but once the movie was over I said, "well at least he died before they could destroy their relationship over petty crap." THIS is the way I think. lol.

To me, love doesn't mean bringing home flowers once a week and gushing on and on about destiny and blahblahblah... it means being willing to run to the store (without complaining) for laxatives at 6 am because your spouse can't poo and is having stomach cramps. It may not be "romantic" but that is the kind of love that will get you through 65 years of dealing with someone's moods and annoying habits. THAT is love.

As practical and down to earth as I am about my human relationships I tend to be the same way about my animal relationships. When I was 15 I believed in "once in a life time" and "soul mates" and "perfection". I thought I had found that in a boy (*rolls eyes*)and in a horse and my world would cease to be if I lost either one. A year later the horse was gone and I was... well imagine a 15 year old girl who just lost her very best friend in the whole wide world, her horse. Imagine every overly emotional teenage movie character who has just lost her horse for one reason or another. Roll them altogether and you have me, circa 1985. I never ever thought I would have another "heart horse". Because, you know, you only get one.

*laughs wistfully* Now to be honest, the horse I had then (Pal's Bay Penny, Tennessee walking horse, girl's best friend) set a really high bar for any horse to come after her. She was gangly and coarse headed and mealy mouthed with big ears and big feet and... she was possibly the single most beautiful thing I had ever seen in my life up to that point. In MY eyes anyway.

Years go by and I get jobs working with horses. The more horses I meet the less likely I think it is that I will ever feel about a horse the way I did about Penny. Then I meet Trooper. Big, dumb, as unlike Penny as a horse can be everywhere except where it counts: between the ears. He was just as eager to please, willing and sweethearted as penny ever was. He was huge (clyde/paint cross), hairy, and a total blockhead, with bay and white pinto markings and eyes just a bit too small for his massive face. He was possibly the single most beautiful thing I had ever seen in my life up to that point. He was never MY horse, but in all the ways that count he was MINE. But he WASN'T mine and time goes on and I move on.

But during this same time I get my shetland ponies. Jamie and Lilly. I bought Jamie just so that I could get Lilly because she was a driving pony extraordinaire. I only had her about 3 years before I lost her to an accident. But Jamie... all 10 hands of red hair and big eyes... who would have thought that I would have TWO heart horses at the same time and one would be a SHETLAND PONY?

Well, Jamie passed away in 2006, and Trooper passed away in 2007. I've had Sparrow and Mary, and I love them, but... it's different.

So I buy Brego and bring him home. I know this guy is special. He is the horse I have wanted since I was about FOUR years old. But... will he be my heart horse?

I knew the moment I saw him that he would be special. The first time I touched him, burst into tears and said, "I have been waiting for you for soooo long..." I knew that he would be special. I know every time I look out my window and my heart skips a beat that he is special. I knew the first time I sat on his back and he looked back at me with one big brown eye that he was special. But... special enough to be a heart horse? My fourth "once in a life time?"

Today I was in the barn spraying Listerine on his legs (lol!) while he ate his breakfast. I grabbed a brush and started to brush out his tail. His thick black tail with orange sun bleached tips. And I started to cry. I'm brushing turdballs out of my horse's tail and crying because I love him so much and I am so happy he is MINE.

Well, I guess that answers that question, now doesn't it?