Thursday, September 3, 2009

*pounds head against wall*

Unbelievable. Today was just lovely. Tiff had an appointment to get her snaggle tooth removed. Set up by step mom at their dentist. Everything was arranged, I just took her in and it was supposed to be a done deal.

So we get in and they look at her file and the dental hygienist comes out and says they need a form from an orthodontist before they can remove the tooth. I said, "Well, I assumed they had everything they needed when they set up the appointment, her step-mom said it was all taken care of. If there is another form they need can you call her to see if she has it?"

The hygienist says she will talk to the doctor and find out and get back with me after the cleaning. So I wait, and I knit. Then the hygienist comes back out and says they can't do the tooth extraction without a parental consent form signed. I said, GREAT! I'm her mom! Hand me the paper! I'll sign it! Hygienist says, "It can't be her step-mom, it has to be her mom." I said "GREAT! I'm her mom! I gave birth to her! 24 hours of labor and over 60 stitches to get the kid out! hand me the paper!"

Hygienist says, "Let me talk to the doctor."


So I wait. 5 minutes later a different woman comes out trembling. Gritting her teeth. "LISTEN" she says angrily, "The doctor already says he can NOT do this. We have to have a signed parental consent form."

I'm so dang confused. Seriously. This woman is clearly pissed and I am really not sure why. So again I say, "I am her mother, why can't I sign it?"

She says, "You are her step mother, you can NOT sign it."

"No. Susan is her step-mother. I am her mother. Genetic. Gave birth to her. If it is just an issue of parental consent I can do that." at this point the woman is like getting in my face, so I reach out and try to smile and pat her on the arm, "I'm not trying to give you are hard time or anything, I'm just confused. I'm not sure what the issue is here and I am trying to understand. But I am not trying to give you a hard time and I am not upset."

That seemed to chill her out a bit, then I said, "Can you guys just call them so we can get this cleared up? or can I call them from your phone. That way we can get this cleared up."

She completely ignored that request several times. Started talking about divorce situations and stuff, I dunno, she was still acting all in my face and I have no clue why she seemed so upset.

Then she asked me what my name was and I told her and she started to get wound up again, "You are NO WHERE on her paperwork. Only PARENTS can sign these release forms! I already told you the doctor is NOT going to do this today!"

"OK, and again, I am fine with that. I am not upset, just confused. I need to know what we can do to fix this. See, with school and other things I handle I list her father SCOTT ***** as her dad and me as her mom. I assumed they did the same. Obviously they haven't. I just need to know what we need to do to get this fixed. Can you please call them and explain this to them, or let me call them and explain it so we can get it straightened out?"

"Well" she says, still acting like I am some kind of threat *pfthtt*, "You can ask the girls in the office but you really need to go talk to THEM and have THEM call US. We deal with all kinds of divorce and custody issues and this is the FIRST time we have had this problem."

Again I said, "OK, and you know that is fine, I'm not upset or anything, I'm not trying to give you a hard time. I just was under the impression that everything was handled and so it has kind of blindsided me and I am still not entirely sure what I am supposed to do to fix it. It would really help if you would just call them so we could get it straightened out as soon as possible."

At this point I think she finally started to calm down, and I told them I would let her dad and step-mom know and we left.

So on the way home we stopped by and filled her dad in. He was as flabbergasted by the behaviour of the clinic as I was. It was just bizarre. I told him they really need to list me as her mother on paperwork, not Susan. I was considering switching to go there ourselves but after Ms. InMyFace I'm not sure I want to!! Anyway, he was getting ready to leave for work so didn't have time to deal with right away, but hopefully it will get fixed pretty quick. I called back to their house after I got home because I got to thinking about it and when they said the step-mom can't sign for things I want to find out what we need to do so that she CAN. She does as much stuff for Tiff as I do, she needs to be able to sign for medical care for her as well, if Scott or I can't be there. I was expecting to talk to Susan but Scott answered and was getting ready to rush out the door to work but I told him to find out what we need to do to make sure all three of us can sign permission slips. I'd try to find out but clearly they will not talk to me because as far as they are concerned I'm no relation at all to my daughter. *rolls eyes*

The whole thing is just totally stupid. One phone call and 5 minute wait for one of them to run up to the office would have straightened everything out but no, they couldn't take the 20 seconds to pick up the stinking phone.

I'm so frustrated.

I am thinking of calling up there to see if they just need to add me to the paper work (Scott and Susan I mean) or if I need to bring up things like her birth certificate, my marriage certificate, my drivers license etc. to prove it. But I'm not sure if they will get all weird on me.

What a weird day.

Edit to add: Update! I finally couldn;t stand it, I called the office, lol. Very friendly, "HI! Is this the dentist office by the family dollar store?" Yup, "Oh good! yeah, i was in there with my daughter earlier and there was an issue with paperwork?"

Pause, "Yeah....."

"I just wanted to let you guys know I let her dad and step-mom know. Her dad was leaving to head to work so they probably won't have a chance to get back with you today but hopefully they can sometime in the next few days. I just wanted to see if there was anything you needed from me for that like a copy of her birth certificate and my marriage license for my new name or anything like that." Super happy chipper voice.

The lady was instantly friendly, "Oh no no no... nothing like that! We just need them to put a signed note in the file that you are authorized to authorize treatment and that will be fine!"

"OK, great!" still using my happy friendly voice, "Now the lady i talked to seemed a bit on the defensive side, I just wanted to reiterate that was not at all upset, just very confused *hahaha happy laugh roll eyes*. Now the other thing, I want to make sure that step-mom can still sign for things. If we get me listed as her mother do we need to do anything to make sure Susan can still sign for things? She often has does this sort of thing because her dad is usually working during the day."

Still sounding friendly toward me: "Oh, no, she will still be able to sign for things, that isn't a problem at all! We will still have her listed on the paper work so that won't be an issue."

"OK, GREAT! (yeah, I went overboard with the "OK great" lol) I'm so sorry for all the confusion. I had no clue they hadn't listed me on her paperwork, otherwise this would have all made a lot more sense. Thank you so much for your help!"

"Oh, no problem! You have a great day now!"

me: "Oh you too! Thanks so much for your help!"

*Hang up*

Hopefully she again tells hyper defensive lady that she was all worked up over nothing. lol.

Edit #2:

I am actually GLAD they don't allow just any old person they have never seen before sign for this stuff. That would be scary as heck. If they had allowed me to sign with no record of me being related to her or having that power I would have FLIPPED OUT. That would mean any old person off the street could walk in and sign their name to any old thing and my kid could get who only knows what done because the office wasn't checking up on things.

The thing is, until they finally got around to telling me, I had no clue that i was NOT listed on the paperwork. Once I knew that I understood the issue, I just still don't get why they wouldn't just call the people who ARE listed on the file and say, "Man, someone we do not know is up here claiming to be your kids parent, wtf?" THAT kind of concerns me. I mean, if someone other than the person on file claims to be a child's parent, shouldn't they call the person who they believe IS the parent? If I was the dentist I'd have been on the phone to Scott and Susan immediately to let them know there was some crazy lady in my office claiming to be their kid's mother.


  1. I've got one better. I have FULL custody of my three kids. Ex has to have me call the school and tell them if he is picking them up. Now with that in mind listen to this:

    Brady needed a routine (for him) MRI on his noggin. I called to get info about new place that is walk in - no appointment needed. Get there fill out paper work, one question is my marital status.. like it matters, but I answer honestly "divorced". Hand paper work in to desk, sit down to wait.

    Short time later I'm called to front desk again.. I'm thinking issue with insurance, it happens a lot with the kids covered by both his and mine. but NOOOOO... They DEMANDED I produce our court ordered CUSTODY AGREEMENT before they would do the MRI. Like you I'm like WTF?!?! Does everyone carry around their custody order? LOL

    They would not do the MRI of which I held in my hand the doctors order, which clearly lists ME as parent. I left there and went to Childrens Hospital and had it done.