I like living. I have sometimes been wildly, despairingly, acutely miserable, racked with sorrow, but through it all I still know quite certainly that just to be alive is a grand thing.
Once upon a time there was a boy with big green eyes, a huge smile and a whole life spread out before him. Full of hopes, full of dreams, he started his life with nothing but potential.
As he grew he talked of "when", he talked of "if". "When I get that raise", "if I win the lottery", "when things get better". But while he waited for "when" and "if" he spent his time bemoaning the fact that he didn't have his dreams NOW. He spent his life pining for the life he wanted instead of living the one he had. And when he wasn't dreaming of the future instead of making it happen he was mourning the past when he was a care free child.
At times he rose to great heights of joy as he dreamed, but often he sank to great depths of despair, some so deep that he contemplated causing his own death. As someone who watched him grow and dream, I realized that a life lived entirely in the past or future is a life wasted. Even at it's worst (and I have had some very bad times) life has been worth living. Life is beautiful, even when it isn't.
I thought of this today as someone I love, who has also watched this person live in the past and future while missing out on the joy of today, spoke of their frustration with the situation. It made me glad that his misery is now no longer my own. But it also made me realize how truly blessed I am to be able to find joy in even the most miserable of times.
It is 2*F, wind chill of -18*. Last night the increased evaporation of the tank heater in this cold weather ran the tank down 6 inches in 3 hours. We had to find a way to thaw 200 feet of frozen hose ASAP. After dark. In sub zero temps. We had to get the water turned on under the house because just before the freeze the water pipe to the big barn broke. But we managed, the tank is filled, we warmed up eventually, and we had several good laughs. And this morning, in this bitter cold, I had the heartwarming sight of three fluffy happy healthy horses with plenty of water and plenty of feed keeping themselves warm with no problem at all. My house smells of the fireplace, kept burning all day. Small joys that make the life I have so very worth living even without the "when" and the "if".
Sometimes the best thing we can do is learn to be content. Don't stop following those dreams but don't spend so much time thinking of the destination that you miss the scenery as it zips by along the way.