Monday, December 12, 2011

FaceBook, and the year that can't end soon enough.

 First, those of you on FaceBook, please "Like" my farm page, I post there almost daily, sometimes multiple times a day.

My friends, thank you for putting up with my lack of activity and still popping in to comment when I do post. Hopefully that will change as the new year rolls in. Several difficult situations have been resolved or are at least at a point where I don't feel obligated to keep it to myself.

In a nutshell... my husband lost his job and still isn't employed. The state came after me for child support even though Tiff had been living exclusively with me for over a year, froze my bank accounts, hauled me into court three times, started proceedings to issue a warrant for my arrest for the child support,  and refused to drop it unless i proved my case by taking my ex to court. It cost us our entire nest egg we'd set aside for keeping us afloat and another chunk of cash we had to borrow from my father, and once I was able to prove my case in court they awarded me about 1/7th the actual court costs. Which means our 6 months of survival money is gone, never to be seen again, and i am in debt. But it kept me out of jail. *sigh* Then shortly after the court case was resolved I found out my 16 year old daughter is pregnant.

i think now you can probably see why I wasn't terribly chatty. On top of that I have always dealt with some level of seasonal affective disorder and without health insurance I'm handling it with lights and supplements... and to be honest with everything going on right now that's not really doing a lot for me. But as we close in on the shortest day of the year i know it's just a matter of time before the serotonin levels pick back up in my noggin and the chemical issues that bring me down start to back off.

This has really been the scariest, hardest, most heartbreaking year of my life to date. And the struggles are far from over. I've had to put some of my plans for the homestead on hold (I won't be planting a garden this upcoming year and i won't be able to start on beekeeping any time in the foreseeable future. I may also need to downsize the goat herd if things don't turn around soon). But for now we are holding on and making due.

I certainly hope and pray that the next year is better than this has been. I discovered a quote not to long ago that have been clinging to like a lifeline. It comes from an unlikely source.

“I believe that everything happens for a reason. People change so that you can learn to let go, things go wrong so that you appreciate them when they're right, you believe lies so you eventually learn to trust no one but yourself, and sometimes good things fall apart so better things can fall together.”
Marilyn Monroe

Sometimes good things fall apart so better things can fall together. I've seen it true in my life in the past, I have to believe it is true now and in the future.

Thank you for following my blog, for those who have sent me emails and private messages giving me support without even knowing what was wrong, I love each and every one of you. Your kindness and support when you didn't even know if something WAS wrong has moved me and carried me through painful times and in ways i can't express here. There just are not words.  the English language is sorely lacking at times.

I have some more interesting and upbeat things to share with you now that the news flash is done. But for now I leave you with this... one of the most beautiful sights i have ever seen in my life... My heart horse.



  1. (Not to dismiss the crapulance ;) ) But why no garden in the spring?

  2. I have been through a lot of what you are going through.. oldest daughter preggers b-4 married, the EX issues, lost my Mom only to find out that my husband was ill. He has been ill now for several years and is not working due to medication. My Father passed this last year.. the verse I have clung to is "All things work together for good for those who love the Lord.." Romans 8:28
    ..and as strange as it sounds.. this last year has been laden with blessings. I expect nothing less for next year!

  3. -pee, my daughter is due at the end of april and during the time I am normally preparing and planting and getting the garden going I'm going to be spending most of my time getting her to and from doctor visits and then going to have a newborn in the house.

    This years garden was a LOT of work and it was almost a complete fail. I need to relocate it which means preparing an entirely new patch of ground. On top of that i have two goats due to kid around the same time, and i will likely have to be working off the farm as well.

    So i just decided that I had to cut something out and since my lowest return on time investment is the garden that is what I am cutting. I'm going to plant a few tomato plants and some gourds and just focus on the goats and buy produce from local folks instead of grow it myself.