I thought after the whole "inappropriate actions by my then-stud colt that scared away the Jehovah's Witnesses" thing that I had been put on some kind of "crazy people live here, stay away" list. No luck. And unfortunately Sparrow didn't come to my rescue by masturbating in front of them and scaring them away this time. *dang it!!*
I was polite to them, but annoyed because as usual and as has happened almost every day for the last two weeks SOMEONE has come a-knocking on my door and set the dogs off which wakes Tsu up. *rips hair out*
So I went in search of a "No Soliciting" sign. There are some funny ones out there, like my current favorite "No DoorSpam!" hahaha!!! But I don;t think a simple "No Soliciting" sign says everything I need it to say, so I am thinking of printing up a big long treatise on who is not allowed to knock on my door and why and posting it on the front door.
This is what I have so far (it is formatted to be centered):
Of ANY kind!!!!
We are happy with our choice of charities, our religion, our political choices and the products we buy. We will consider any solicitation to be trespassing and will act accordingly.
Night Shift Worker In Residence
Knocking on this door during the day is like someone knocking on your door in the middle of the night. Even if you knock quietly it causes the dogs to bark which wakes the whole house. Unless you are a personal friend, have a delivery to drop off or your hair is on fire and you need one of us to put it out please consider carefully whether or not knocking on this door is the considerate thing to do.
Thank you for not being a jerk, have a nice day!
But I have to be honest and say some of the signs and stickers I found online are a hoot. One says "Jesus doesn't leave here, please don't leave his mail." Another says "Solicitors, knock at your own risk! This household charges $20 per minute paid in advance to listen to any sales pitch, religious talk or why we should vote for your candidate. No exceptions. If you don't plan to pay DON'T KNOCK! Thank you and have a nice day!" *snicker* Or how about "WARNING: Guard dog on duty. He absolutely hates anyone selling phone service, magazine subscriptions or religion. KNOCK AT YOUR OWN RISK!"
Or how about "Solicitors will be cheerfully fed to my sharks." lol. Or my favorite next to the No DoorSpam... "Go sell crazy somewhere else, I'm stocked up."
I like the short and sweet ones but I think I will use mine and make them stand out there reading for a good 15 minutes before they leave.