I yawned, rubbed my eyes, and set my laptop to the side with a tired sigh. Just a few more hours of sleep now that the kid was off to school would be delicious. I carefully climbed over the sleeping dog curled under a blanket between my feet and stumbled to the bathroom to potty before I turned down the tv and tried to snooze. I lift the lid and see... high water. Delightful. I grab the plunger and flush, then proceed to plunge until the water level drops properly. No over flow, yay!
So I do my business, plunge again after flushing just for good measure, then stumble back toward the livingroom... and with far more force than seems possible I smashed my foot into the vacuum that lives parked at the end of the hall.
"HSSSHHHHHHHH! owww! OWWWWWW! Shhhhhhhhhhon of a... owowowow!"
Normally I would have burst out with a string of colourful profanity but the instant pain shooting all the way from my toes up to my knee seemed to have disconnected my swear box from my brain. I hopped one footed toward the kitchen making hissing sounds until I regained my balance and set my foot gingerly back down on to the floor. Bright flashes lit up before my eyes.
"Get down." I hissed at Nigel, still curled peacefully beneath my blanket. No way could I climb over him with only one functioning foot. He looked at me as if I had lost my mind. "DOWN, you doofus!"
Dejectedly he dragged himself from under the blanket and went in search of another warm place to snooze. I turned and sat down, pushing myself back into my spot using the foot that didn't make me feel light headed when I moved it.
I stared at it. The toe closest to my pinky toe on my left foot. It looked normal. It did not feel normal. I reached down cautiously and tried to wiggle the middle toe. Sore, but not bad. So not the source of my pain. Toe next to pinky toe, which was obviously the one hurting the worst... I try to wiggle it and the bright flashes turn to black flashes and i feel myself slumping sideways. I let go quickly so I don't end up passed out and I sit there for a moment staring at it. Well, maybe I just jammed it. I'll leave it be for a while and get my nap and see how it feels when I wake up.
Ever see the cartoons where someone hits their thumb with a hammer and it puffs up and turns red and starts to throb? Well, it didn't puff up and turn red but as I closed my eyes I could feel it throbbing. Every time I moved it shot blades of pain up the top of my foot. I try for almost a half hour to ignore it before looking at it again. Now it looks like someone grafted a grape on to the end of my toe. I reach down to try wiggling it again and it flexes fairly normal until I try to bend it toward the middle toe and it bends almost straight to the side at the joint closest to the end of the toe. No bright flashes, no dark flashes, just this bizarre light headed feeling that says, "If you were not sitting down you would be falling down right now."
It feels normal when I poke at it, so I don't think the bones are broken but it looks like the joint is pretty well blown out. I've been through this far more times than I can count thanks to my life with horses, so I know a trip to the doctor will start with a copay and end with them taping my toe to the one next to it and billing me for x rays and who knows what else. Unless it feels like I have bone fragments I can treat this myself.
So I go in search of bandage tape, which of course we have none of. So I found a cotton ball to unwind and place between the toes and two bandaids to work as tape. I felt light headed every time I touched the toe, so I worked quickly. It was getting more and more painful so i needed to get it done as soon as possible. This is the masterpiece I ended up with:
For some strange reason this entire adventure left me completely wide awake, so I think perhaps there shall be no nap for me.