Wednesday, March 3, 2010

Compost, horse poo, drama....

In reverse order.

This stuff with Tiff and her dad and step-mom keeps coming back up over and over to invade our lives and I am SOOO over it. As always I thought we'd come to some resolution just to have the ex do a 180 on me again. *sigh* I am SOOO over this. Having my kid cry for hours over it sure doesn't make it any easier. gah. So here I am trying to do what is best for everyone, when there IS no "best for everyone". *pounds head against the wall* I'm just not going in to detail, but I really REALLY wish i could just snap my fingers and make everything all better for all of them. Especially my kid, but really for all of them, because if everyone isn't happy NO ONE will get to be happy.

But, you know, this drama changes from one day to the next so who knows what tomorrow will bring. *rips hair out*

On top of that Tiff is failing THREE of her classes. And she just cried and cried over THAT because she is trying really hard and just not getting it. Looks like summer school for her this year, if they have it. And being grounded. I'm going to try and find some kind of tutoring resources for her, something like Sylvan learning centers but not a 2 hour drive away. She needs help I can't give her because quite frankly I struggled in the same ways and barely made it through school.

Did i mention my ulcer is back and I am in constant pain again? Yay stress. Yay stress that is not of my making that I can't seem to escape, brought to me courtesy of someone I have done my best to avoid and make life as easy for as possible... because of this drama and the way it is effecting our kid.

HELLO! I'd like my blissfully boring life back please!!!! I worked really damn hard to have the laid back, relaxed, mellow, boring life i have, and I would really REALLY like to not have to deal with this bullcrap anymore.

*deep breath, shaking hands*

I worked on cleaning out the barn some but I can't get the wheelbarrow out to the compost pile area because of the snow. So I just took out a few loads and dumped them in low places in the barn lot. The poo outside in the lot is still frozen to the ground. Blarg. The snow melted off of it but i can't even bust it loose with a pitch fork. I need a manure spreader so i don't have to deal with THIS in the future either. *sigh* I dream of being able to pick up poo piles all winter long, before the freeze to the ground, and being able to dispose of them. As of now i am physically incapable for getting the wheelbarrow through the snow to where it needs to go because the snow is higher than the wheelbarrow wheels.

This spring I'd LIKE to get the front fenced in with electric and keep the horses out there while I reseed parts of the barn lot and get some gravel in some places to possibly help with the muck. So rather than carting out all of the droppings i will be spread them out, letting them age some, then seeding over them. Letting them dry and raking them around should help kill off some of the parasite eggs that might be in them before i seed. There is SOOO much i want to do this year, and there is no way i can actually do it all, but I can get a good start going on it.

I've started composting kitchen waste and the rabbit's cage cleanings. I have a trash can to dump it in then haul it to the pile once it is full. I wrote "compost only" all over it, so we will see if anything other than compostables ends up in there. I really look forward to being able improve my soil, it really needs it.

And just because right now this is one of the few things helping me keep my sanity. Please forgive the poo mountains everywhere, grrrr:


  1. The heck with the ex and his drama.... your only responsibility is to Tiff... she's your child, he's an adult and therefore responsible for his own "stuff". You may be able to find online tutoring resources for Tiff... what classes/subjects is she having trouble with? I have teacher friends who may have some resource suggestions for you.

    As for all that poo.... CAN'T HELP YA! LOL!

  2. Unfortunately because she is also his kid and because this stuff also involves his visitation with her... I can't avoid it.

    She used to really struggle with math but this year it is things like chemistry and intro to American History. basically anything that requires memorization she sucks at. And health, no clue why she would be struggling with that one.

    I feel like I am up to chin in poo... lol. And not just horse poo, either. :-P

  3. Oh, and her biggest problem is a combination of not knowing how to study and what I call test freeze. She knows the stuff, but at test time she just freezes up and can't remember. i did the exact same thing and never did learn how to get past it so I just don't know how to help her.

  4. The only way I can think of to get rid of "test freeze" is to keep taking tests.... seriously. A pain, but true.

    You may want to try for some help.... they do mini-courses, followed by self-testing... maybe that will help her, and as the name implies -- it's FREE.